Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Phrase of the Week

Social Security is "a milk cow with 310 million tits," says Alan Simpson, co-chair of President Obumbler's deficit commission.



Naturally, humorless liberals and gimmee-gimmee groups like AARP are having a cow. "He's insensitive!" "Simpson must resign!" "How dare he even consider touching our sacred social security!" "Off with his head!"

I don't want the old gizzard to resign for the same reason I like keeping Biden around--because their bloopers are bloggerific.

It's looking more and more likely they will raise the age of eligibility for social security, as well as apply a means test. I'll probably be 70 years old before latching my pruney lips on the government tit.

Of course, it's quite likely that Obamacare will effectively cull the geezer herd, thus resolving the problem of those resource-sucking old coots .

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Chia Post Card

This is way better than getting your garden variety Hallmark.



A pop-up botanical greeting card. Just add water, wait a week, and voila--your very own watercress garden. Can greeting cards get any greener?

By the way, "Post Cardens" are available in 4 architectural styles: small courtyard garden, Victorian greenhouse, cityscape, and miniature football field.

Cool.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Dog Days of Summer

"This summer is sure to be a Summer of Economic Recovery." The White House, June 17, 2010.



Riiiiight! More like the summer of "economic wreckovery".

So Soupsters, how are you enjoying the "dog days"?



According to wikipedia, the term "dog days" (Latin: diēs caniculārēs) refers to the hottest, most sultry days of summer. Dog Days can also define a time period that is stagnant or marked by dull lack of progress. Hmmmmm. That sounds about right.

The name comes from the ancient belief that Sirius, also called the Dog Star because it is the brightest star in the constellation Canis Major (Large Dog), was responsible for the hot weather through its close proximity to the sun during the summer months. Everyone knows dogs are extraordinarily smart, so it's not surprising the brightest star is called "Dog Star".

The Romans (cat lovers, no doubt) sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius because, according to Brady’s Clavis Calendarium, 1813, this period was believed to be an evil time
"when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, Quinto raged in anger, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies".
So I suppose things could be worse--my wine hasn't soured...yet!



It's the Fecal Finger of Fate!

Isn't it deliciously ironic that Obamerde, who's been busy flushing our economy down the toilet (when he's not working on his golf game), is spending the waning days of his Summer of Wreckovery on the shores of a pond full of poop?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Gotta Love Retrievers

I want a dog. But not just any dog--I want THIS dog.



Can your cat do that? Hmmmmmmm?




I hate pets with CATtitude.

Fashionibbles


For Spring and Summer 2010, the fashion gurus has guys unbuttoning their shirts. Necklines are plunging and a new word has been coined--heavage (male cleavage).

This is a perfect opportunity for men who want to show off their perfectly chisled pectoral muscles; but it has raised a serious question--"To wax or not to wax".

My answer--Don't wax!! I've had it with the hairless, Ken Doll metrosexuals who now pass for men. A generation of males have become Oprah-ized emoticons--like women with testicles.

It's bad enough that so many men seem perpetually adolescent, but do they have to be as hairless as sixth grade boys?

Give me a man with hair. I'm not talking Wookie or Werewolf hairy, but just enough to make the statement--"I am a man!".



Hubbykins has a hairy chest and reeks masculinity. He is the gladiator of the family, the protector of kith and kin.

However, I'm not sure I'm down with the whole "heavage" thing. There's a whiff of sleaze about it. So, Hubbykins, as lovely as your pecs are, button the shirt!

Heavage: a silly word, but a meaty morsel for my Syllable Soup.





Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Empty Nest Blues

The photo and poetry resonated with me today. Must be missing the kids more than I thought. Where did the time go?


Photo by Robin Purcell


Go to sleep, Mum,
I won't stop breathing
suddenly, in the night.

Go to sleep, I won't
climb out of my cot and
tumble downstairs.

Mum, I won't swallow
the pills the doctor gave you or
put hairpins in electric
sockets, jut go to sleep.

I won'tcry
when you take me to school and l eave me:
I'll be happy with the other children
my own age.

Sleep, Mum, sleep.
I won't
fall in the pond, play with matches,
run under a lorry or even consider
sweets from strangers.

No, I won't
give you a lot of lip,
not like some.

I won't sniff glue,
fail all my exams,
get myself/
my girlfriend pregnant.
I'll work hard and get a steady/
really worthwihle job.
I promise, go to sleep.

I'll never forget
to drop in/phone/write
and if
I need any milk, I'll yell.

LULLABY--by Rosemary Norman

Reagan Therapy

Those destructive DemonicRATS in D.C. have unleashed a lethal plague of malaise from sea to oily sea.

Don't despair! Here's a Ronald Reagan video vaccine to strengthen your American spirit.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Monday Moodles: Geezers, Sex, and Adorable Pets

Geezers get no respect. Remember this video? (A BMW driver would never do this to an old lady.)



Anyhoooo--now from Europe comes this:

Belgium undertakers plan to dissolve dead and flush them into sewage system.

It's the environmentally-sanctioned green solution for dealing with the dead--a way to recycle the old coots who kick the bucket.

Great idea! Let's flush granny down the toilet like a dead goldfish.

Lest you think it only applies to stiffs in Europe, think again. Six states in America have passed legislation approving this procedure: Maine, Colorado, Florida, Minnesota, Oregon, and Maryland.

If you live in one of these state, buy bottled water or risk drinking dead Aunt Dottie.


Republican Men are Better in Bed


DUH! I already knew that, didn't I, Hubbykins? **wink, wink**
"You will never hear a Republican say, “Let’s just cuddle and read The New Yorker tonight.” They understand you do not want reading materials in bed. You want a man.

It is absolutely, positively, 100 percent true that Republicans have bigger d***s. Just ask Lynne Cheney. (Dick is the Liam Neeson of Washington!)"
Now we know why he's smiling.
You should read the whole article here.


Adorable Pet Alert

This is an oldie but a goodie video, guaranteed to chase away the Monday mopes.

Check out the critter's expression when the lady stops tickling him.


HAVE A HAPPY DAY!

Snark Soup


These three ladies are going to visit the King of Spain. Guess which one is Michelle Antoinette Obama?

Hint: It's not the one on the left. She's Spain’s Princess Letizia.

Here's another recent back shot of Moochelle.


Uh oh---VPL (visible panty lines). Give this gal some Spanx!


Why does the First Lady hate sleeves? What have they ever done to her? Oh well...at least she's ditched the boob belt.

Phone Sex


HEADLINE: iPhone Users Have More Sex Partners Than BlackBerry Owners

That's right. An on-line dating service took a survey and found out that among 30-year-olds iPhone-toting men averaged 10, compared to 8.1 for BlackBerry users.

Women iPhone owners appear to be even more amorous. According to the site, female iPhone owners had 12.3 partners, while BlackBerry users had just 8.8.

Hmmmmm.

Well here's what I think:

More partners doesn't equal more sex.
More partners doesn't equal better sex.
More partners means you are more likely to get STD’s.

NEW HEADLINE: “iPhone Users More Likely to Have STD’s”

By the way, the Soupster family only uses BlackBerrys...and research also shows that Android users have lousy love lives.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Surf's Up!



Heh.




Sharks!

We live near Malibu and also have a beach house between Dana Point and San Clemente. Although I'm a coast dweller, I seldom swim in the ocean. Why? Cold water, jelly fish, sting rays, yucky seaweed, etc. But now I have a bigger, better reason--sharks!

A paddle surfer at San Onofre (just down the road a bit from our beach house), encountered great white sharks circling his board. He returned later with a camera and filmed this:



Authorities have tagged 38 great white sharks off the coast of Santa Barbara, Ventura and Los Angeles Counties; and now these in Orange County. My dearest Hubbykins paddle surfs these waters!

I might have to put my dainty foot down and forbid it. To surf is to feed the sharks--like chum on a fiberglass plate.




Rad Dog!





Or shark snack?

Beware the Lame Ducks



Charles Krauthammer amplifies Republicans' concerns that after losing at the polls in November, the lame duck Democrats will try to stuff Cap and Trade, Card Check and other tired, statist policies down the American people’s throats.

But according to a recent IBD Editorial, there's more diabolicalism being planned by the Dem Ducks--pushing through appropriations for Obamacare.
Considering the “power of the purse” would be one of the only realistic policy avenues available to a Republican Congress with a defiant president of the opposite party, Lame Duck Democrats will understandably be fearful that a Speaker Boehner would lead the fight to de-fund their “crowning achievements” like ObamaCare, TARP, and the “stimulus”.

Of greatest concern here for both parties is the funding for ObamaCare, with the perceived success of the program hinging on a seamless launch in 2014, making next year’s implementation funding for the law a critical target for both its supporters and opponents.

Therefore be prepared that the same Democratic majority that has all year long abdicated their duty to pass a budget will use the lame duck session to appropriate as much funding as possible before they’re kicked out the door.
YIKES! Time to stock up on ammo for my shotguns. We might have to shoot some ducks this fall.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I Woke Up Cranky This Morning



Okay...I feel better now.

Hey, at least I'm not eating them!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Crazy in California

A UCLA study finds that nearly 1 in 5 Californians say they need mental health services. Well that's a big fat DUH. Everyone knows the state's a cereal bowl of fruits, flakes and nuts. Just look at the looney toons leftoids the California crazies elect to the state legislature.

These Bozos are destroying jobs faster than Barack "Hoover" Obama--which is tough to do.

But...but...but what about all those "green jobs" the Governator promised us? Well it turns out these are mostly jobs involving thinking about green jobs. Sigh.

If that's not bad enough, CA incomes have fallen for the first time since World War II!

I really need to stop watching/reading/listening to the news or I'm going to need some mental health services!


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Save the Planet, Eat Bugs!

Only the brain dead enviro-boobs at the UN could exhort us to eat creepy crawlies in order to save the world.

Don't you know that insects are rich in protein and other nutrients and have a smaller carbon hoofprint than gluttonous, thirsty, farting cows?

Naturally, evil capitalist exploiters are on top of the situation, offering a variety of packaged insects to snack on. At www.edible.com, you can purchase a bag of giant toasted ants for about $25.

The advertising claims that the inch-long insects have ‘nutty, bacon-like taste, with an earthy, spicy kick’, although an intrepid Daily Mail reporter ate one and said,
"The first thing I notice is it’s very dry, and as crisp as an autumn leaf, for which I’m thankful. Juiciness, while desirable in a steak, is somehow stomach-churning in an insect.

The second is that, perhaps predictably, it doesn’t taste like bacon. Beneath the salt, the ant has a faint, curiously sweet flavour; earthy is the perfect description. I swallow hurriedly. (Some hours later I look in the mirror and discover a little black leg stuck in my teeth.)"
Coming soon to a grocery store nearest you...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Must! Have! Meat!



The greenie meanie, do-gooder, busy body joy killers are at it again.

An attempt is being made to popularize Meatless Mondays; a movement already embraced by public health advocates, chefs and suburban moms who compulsively fret about cholesterol and heart disease.

But that's not all. Enviro-wackadoodles say that going meatless will save the earth! Well...maybe not the earth, but at least it will save water!

Environmental nanny noob Peter Gleick of Pacific Institute says people don't realize how much water it takes to feed cows. "One ton of beef takes 140,000 bathtubs full of water," said Gleick, his mustache quivering with righteous indignation.

Oh, great. If not guilt tripping over my "carbon footprint", I've got to worry about my "water footprint". Geesh. That should do wonders for my blood pressure.

Sid Lerner, a 79 year old former advertising executive of "Don't squeeze the Charmin" fame, is spear-heading the campaign. Lerner says he wants to use the rhythm of the week to its advantage: Friday is payday, Saturday is play day, Sunday is pray day.

Hummmpphf! Ad men.

Well, Soupsters, the food Gestapo will have to pry the meat from my cold, dead mouth.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Squabbling Sarcastic Fringeheads

Hubbykins and I frequently sail out to the picturesque Channel Islands to admire their guano-glazed rocky formations, often used as backdrops in movies such as Pirates of the Caribbean and Count of Monte Cristo. We especially love the "dolphin runs"; sailing amidst thousands of darting, jumping, playful dolphins--the sea boiling with the lively creatures as far as the eye can see.

But who knew there was something equally interesting lurking on the sea floor--the fascinating Channel Island sarcastic fringeheads.

I must say, watching this video reminded me of my twin sister and me as kids.



Yep. We were like two squabbling sarcastic fringeheads. We fought about everything: screaming, punching, pinching, scratching...I still have the scars to prove it. We were ridiculously competitive--even fighting over who had the most noodles on our plates of Mac-n-Cheese.

Although I was the most sarcastic, she was the dominant fringehead because she was older than me by 11 minutes and a few (cough, cough) pounds heavier. So she got the top bunk, won the "who touched who last" war, and was always picked first for dodgeball. Sigh.

Anyhoooo, the past is the past. Time heals all. Today, although we live thousands of miles apart, we are closer than bread and butter.

And I live in the biggest shell. Heh!


Actually, if you want a better idea of what my sis and I were like as youngsters, check out the furry twins in the old cartoon series called The Angry Beavers.



In this episode the twins hold a staring contest. Aaahh, the memories.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sponges 'R Us

Are we related to this dude?



Mankind may be descended from apes but Australian scientists have found proof of links much closer to the sea floor, with a study revealing that sea sponges share almost 70 percent of human genes.
Well, duh. Sponging spongers are everywhere: welfare offices, fraternities, SEIU meetings, etc.

Speaking of spongers...how about Moochelle Obama's posh 5 star Spanish vacation paid for by us taxpayers? While Americans are making sacrifices owing to the Obamabliterated economy, the President and his wife continue to flaunt an increasingly lavish lifestyle on our dime!




Here for your viewing pleasure is a dandy little video entitled: I want your money starring the magnificent Ronald Reagan and the Sponger-in-Chief.

Friday, August 6, 2010

A Spiffing Sport, What ho!

I read about the "6th Annual Chap Olympiad" and thought it a hoot. The competition is hosted by anarcho-dandyist periodical, The Chap Magazine.

The event is a day of good old-fashioned fun and sartorial splendour, celebrating the perfectly dressed, under-achieving dandies who value panache over athleticism.

The games include the Cucumber Sandwich Discus Throw, Umbrella Jousting, and the Bounders bash, where chaps approach a lady, behave like cads and the one who is slapped hardest around the face wins.



There are more photos of it here. But better yet, check out the video.



Bertie Wooster lives! Jolly good.

I dedicate this post to my smarty-pants, college student son who has just finished a month-long archaeological dig in England where he discovered the wonder of British...pubs.

Bureaucratic Sourpusses Suck Lemons

Behold the face of an evil capitalist exploiter!



Bureauweenies in an Oregon county put the "boot on the neck" of a 7-year old girl, ordering her to pay $120 for a temporary operator's license or shut down her lemonade stand. Fortunately, the girl's plight went viral. After Drudge broadcasted the calumny, the over-zealous regulators/inquisitors were forced to apologize.

Behold the power of the blogosphere!

This little news item percolated up fond memories of my children's early entrepeneurial adventures involving the ubiquitous summer lemonade stands. They would add point-of-purchase razzle dazzle and pizzazz with glittered signs and plates of home-made cookies.

My son and his "business" partner even expanded operations to include a winter hot cocoa stand, which proved verrry successful, earning them almost $200.

Just thinking about it warms the capitalistic cockles of this mother's mercenary heart.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Pooch Poetry in Motion

This ad beautifully and brilliantly captures a dog's love for treats.



Watching this video made me miss dear old Woody the Wonderdog, the best damn dog in the world.

People have been suggesting I get another pet, but I don't think it would be fair to the creature--being constantly compared to the Perfect Pooch.

Besides, Hubbykins fantasizes about spending our golden years traveling the world; and a dog would be problematic. (Although our Obamabliverated bank accounts might pose a bigger problem.)

So the choice is between "The Dream" or a drooling, hairy, treat-mooching, flea magnet...who loves me unconditionally. Hmmmm. I'll have to think about it.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Pain in the A--



Just had a colonoscopy--one in a long list of indignities which must be endured by the neo-elderly.

As anyone who has undergone the procedure knows, the worst part is in the preparation: a 24 hour liquid diet with a supersized serving of MiraLAX and DulcoLAX; then an active evening of fast sprints to the bathroom. Thank God for Charmin Ultra soft quilted toilet paper with "absorbent cushions".

The ordeal might have been more bearable had Hubbykins not chosen to eat a juicy New York steak while I was stuck with a miserable Gatorade-Laxatini.

Anyhoooo, my proctologist proclaimed my colon polyp-free and fabulous, with just one teensy weensy diverticuli--which thrilled my sister since she had already been diagnosed with a diverticuli and hated to think my organs might be nicer than her organs. Yep, identical twins--inside and out; except for that "competitive thing" she's got.

I suppose I should watch her health more carefully. She's 11 minutes older than me and a harbinger of What's To Come.

Uh oh. I can hear the collective groan from my family--"There goes mom again...talking about poop."